This is my answer from day 7 of Beth Kempton’s 36 day challenge. Sunday (15/09) was a bad day for me. I was meant to spend the day at Amaravati Buddhist monastery which is just over a two-hour drive from where I live on a quiet day. Throughout the week leading up to it I’d had a really bad time with insomnia which in turn fuelled anxiety, which in turn fuelled insomnia, which in turn fuelled anxiety, I think you get it! I ended up not going, I was in no state to go. I was far too tired to drive safely. I was incredibly upset and disappointed in myself for it. I couldn’t even meditate without feeling like I was going to drown in anxiety, it was awful. Later on during the day I sat down to do day 7 of the 36 day challenge and I was surprised at my answer. Here it is.
What everyday activities and occurrences would you savour more if you knew that next time would be the last time?
Oh, everything. Everything that ever brought me a sense of joy. Really, I would. I would love that first hot drink of the day so much more. I would make so much more time for my boyfriend in the morning and look after him better before he left for the day instead of worrying about what I want to do. I would allow myself to enjoy that garden a lot more. I wrote in the garden yesterday and it was serene. I would enjoy nature more and put a lot more energy into it and its nurturance. I’d say hello to trees instead of just stare at them. I would allow myself to further take delight in the clouds and their many different shapes. I would visit more places and soak up the atmosphere. I would talk to more people and really get to know them, and I’d say more nice things instead of staying quiet for fear of repercussion. I would create more art, write more, and play more guitar unashamedly. I wouldn’t ponder the meaning of life because I would become it. No longer would I lock my heart away and suffocate it with fear. I would learn exactly where its shine came from. Maybe I’d do so much more to leave this world a much more open hearted, caring, honest, and kinder place than the way I found it. I would pause writing my morning pages to watch the first rays of sun pass over the roofs of the houses across the road from me. I’d put my bloody phone down and actually talk to my cat a bit more when she says hello, she’s not as young as she once was. I’d learn to forgive everyone and myself for past wrongs, we’re only human after all and I could really do without the mental, emotional, and physical burden that it causes me. I wouldn’t waste my time looking for peace, I’d make it instead. I’d marvel at the stars in the sky more often and pay better respects to the moon. All this makes me wonder what I’m currently doing with my life…
Thank you for taking the time to read this short, impromptu post.
Clouds over the River Stour from a recent walk. I do love how awesome clouds can be.