I happened across a note this morning (27/08) about how someone who I subscribe to had someone take out an annual subscription and how it made their day. I was happy for them. How could I not be? I could feel it radiating off the note. It got me thinking a lot about the kindness of others.
We live in a highly materialistic and fearful world. The main focus on a macrocosmic level is a me and mine profit driven race for more. More of everything. Money. Assets. Status. Love. Likes. Subscribers. Clothes. Cars. Houses. You name it. A scarcity mind set isn’t only the purvey of the poor, but also of the rich. People can be rich in money and impoverished in love. People can drive a brand-new Aston Martin and be incredibly lonely. People can acquire great material wealth and be dead on the inside. While I certainly don’t deny the benefits of money, after all it’s an exchange of energy, people with money feel scarcity as much as anyone else just in a different way. If fame is so great with all its material riches and adoring masses then why do famous people feel so lonely?
The absurdity of it is that we live on such a resource rich planet and we forbid people from a lot of it as if we own the rock that we live on. Because we don’t think there’s enough to go around we steal, we would deprive our fellow human being of a resource so that we don’t go without. Depending on where we are on the social ladder we’ll even pay people to defend our positions. We learn to distrust people, to become suspicious of them, and they in turn do the same to us. We can’t seem to figure out why. We’re so concerned with guarding our own resources that we don’t or won’t see the hurt that we inflict on others to do so. I don’t believe people do it to be bad or evil. I believe people do it because they’re fearful.
Because the Romans, to give just one example, felt fear about people joining together to bring down the empire they deployed divide and conquer tactics. It’s something that’s very much in use today. Things such as them and us. Rich and poor. Landlords and tenants. Black people and white people. Men and women. I’m sure you don’t need me to go on! This dividing of the masses keeps us in fear and prevents us from coming together in harmony. It breaks my heart when I hear that it’s now thought that we are violent and selfish by nature. If you just give peace a chance that simply isn’t the case. At our core humans have a natural tendency towards kindness and compassion. We’re a social species, it doesn’t make sense for us to be any other way.
Humans have an inclination towards charity and helping one another. If not why would charity shops exist? What about community Facebook pages? People enjoy helping one another out. Remove all the labels that a person has attached to themselves and see the humanity in their eyes. See the past pains and look at their scars. Know that they carry burdens and baggage just like everyone else, just like you.
Not long after I turned 21 I put £10 petrol in my car that was running on fumes by the time I pulled into the petrol station. When I went to pay my debit card kept getting declined. I was supposed to have been paid, but my boss at the time was flaky about making sure that their staff were paid on time. Standing at the till as the grief-stricken and insecure young adult that I was at the time I wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow me. I was so embarrassed. I wanted to cry for all the disappointment that I felt had just been added to my long list of stresses at the time. It was in that moment that a man stepped forward and paid it for me. He paid £10 for my petrol, which was a lot of money for me at the time. He didn’t know who I was, and I was none of his concern at the end of day, but he did it. The cynic in me thought it may be because he was getting annoyed waiting for me to do something about it, and it could’ve been, but I was, and still am, grateful for such a kind gesture. One day I would love to return the favour.
I often find that the people who are the most unkind have never really had kindness extended towards them. A debt of servitude and slavery is often disguised as kindness, a Trojan horse sewing distrust and fear. Some of the most unkind people I have ever met came across as lovely until I got to know them better. If you were to ask them they’d tell you that they were being kind, they believe that they are because that’s the kindness that they know even though it’s anything but kind. A good, and very triggering example, is when a parent expects you to drop everything and bend over backwards for them because they raised you. That to me says that their kindness was never about the child that they raised, but more about what they could get out of it for themselves. They in turn were almost likely treated the same way by their parents, breaking the cycle of unkindness often requires great pain and great awareness.
To be kind is to open your heart to another person, to meet that person where they really are and to see them for what they’re really for. Kindness wears many different disguises. It’s the kind words of a passing stranger. It’s the listening ear when you’re talking. It’s the £10 from a stranger at the petrol station. To open yourself up to kindness is to open yourself up to love. We think of love as the warm fuzzies at the beginning of a romantic relationship when really love is understanding someone and having plenty enough to go around so that everyone is ok. If I’m ok, then you are. If you’re not ok then it’s my responsibility as a human being to help you however I can.
To be kind is also to open your heart to yourself, to meet yourself where you really are and to see yourself for what you’re really for. Kindness wears many different disguises. It’s your kind words to a passing stranger. It’s being able to listen to someone when they’re talking. It’s leaving the flaky boss that can’t seem to pay their staff on time. It’s also looking at 21yr old me and knowing that I didn’t have the belief in myself to do that at the time and to forgive myself for it as well as congratulate myself on my progress in the decade since then.
This a painting I did in 2022. It’s untitled, but basically one of the themes of it is about being open hearted. As you can see, my photography skills and my painting skills are worlds apart in terms of overall mastery!!!
It’s thanks to the kindness of others that I’m where I am right now. There’s no denying that. My boyfriend in particular has been a blessing that I had no idea existed until he came along. These last few years have taught me a lot about opening myself up to kindness from others and towards myself. I remember listening to a talk by a Buddhist nun who said that where we are, all the good things that we have, are result of the kindness of other people. Take a moment, look around, think about certain points of your life. In the world we live in we’re conditioned to fear, but when you start taking stock of all the good things around you fear can never drown out kindness. Kindness doesn’t need to be loud because kindness is very self-assured and can exist without the validation of others. One of my life goals is to leave this world a far more open hearted and kinder place than the way I found it. What about you? Thank you for taking the time to read this.